Nothing Happens At Ten

DG’s new diet of eating nothing but celery is all well and good, but I had a better idea.

“Hey, DG, I think that my Shredded Wheat and Cardboard diet is better.”

Yeah. If you run out of the shredded wheat, you can go ahead and eat the box it came in. You can hardly tell the difference.

DG was shocked by what he saw on the scales last week, so he has gone on a Celery Only Diet.

Because I don’t know how to draw celery well enough that people will realize what it is supposed to be.

So I added the label.

Check it out yourself. Go look in the mirror.

Sometimes DG is too easy.

Here we are at the Ides of January so it is time to check in and see how we are doing with our New Year’s resolutions.

I have already failed at my resolution to “Eat more salt, fat and sugar and try to put on some weight”. Hence I have lost about three pounds of my holiday binge weight.

See how that works?

DG, on the other hand has diligently stuck to that same resolution, and …. well…. it’s beginning to show.

“DG”, I said, “it’s pretty easy to continue eating more fat, salt and sugar, but that tends to result in the successful completion of the last part…. to put on some weight.”

“Yep” I said, “You should go check it out on the scales”.

Now where did he run off to?

Well that’s a bit more like it.

But I’m getting tired just watching.

I ran into DG, and he now has decided on his New Year’s Resolution.

He decided to adopt my annual resolution, to “Eat more salt, fat and sugar and try to put on some weight”.

It looks like he has taken it to heart.

He might have misinterpreted the gag.

“Hey, DG. It’s a joke. You don’t really do it. It’s a joke.”

Oh my. What have we wrought?

I asked DG what his NewYear’s Resolution is.

Oh. Just like that? After one marginal experience with it? You could try a different branch of philosophy.

OK. But that sounds like another cop-out to me.

My New Year’s Resolution is the same every year.

“I resolve to eat more fat, salt and sugar and try to put on some weight”.

That way, when I fail at it, it’s good for me.

Now that DG is back, he wants to wish you a Happy New Year.

DG is still annoyed with me for playing with his existence. In fact, he is so put off that he has filed another BM form on me. (Click HERE if you don’t know what a BM form is).

“DG”, I said, “this is no time to cop an attitude. I am the one who brought you back after you made yourself go away by not thinking. So put on your party hat and get with the program!”

Such enthusiasm.

I have been giving some thought to what to do about DG’s disappearance when he stopped thinking.

Actually, considering the quality of his mischief, I wondered why he hadn’t disappeared sooner.

But, I digress.

It came to me that since DG is a cartoon, maybe we need to change his philosophy a tad. Instead of “cogito, ergo sum“, perhaps it should be “cogito, ergo tu es“, which translates to “I think, therefore, you are”.

So, I gave it a try.

“DG, DG, he’s our man! If he can’t do it, nobody can!”

Hey, it worked! Just thinking about him brought him back.

You disappeared because you stopped thinking. Get it? You studied philosophy where you learned that thinking is key, and when you inadvertently stopped thinking you disappeared in a pfffftttt. So I came up with the idea that since you are a cartoon, what you think doesn’t matter, and I could bring you back myself by just thinking about you. Pretty cool, hunh?

DG?

You still there?

Poo.

Ingrate!

I ran into DG the other day. I have not seen DG for a long time, and I wondered what had happened.

“Hey, DG” I said, “What’s going on? It’s been a year since I’ve seen you”.

OK, but it’s been a long time. Where have you been? What have you been up to?

Studying philosophy? For a year? That’s a lot of studying! So, what did you learn about philosophy in a year?

That’s deep. But don’t you agree that all of that stuff is just silliness that doesn’t have any application in the real world?

Oh!

Bummer. That explains a lot.