Now that we are in a cold snap (Old Man Winter has arrived!), DG decided to stay in and sit down with a mug of nice, steamy coffee.
“DG”, I said, “are you aware that when you do that you make yourself complicit in the Coffee Plant conspiracy to take over the world?”
Seriously, DG, it’s true.
You see, the coffee plant, Coffea arabica, down in Colombia is always trying to expand its reach. It is procreating with abandon and trying to take over the world and using you to pursue it’s heinous plan.
DG: Wha?
Really. Here is what is going on. In order to take over the world, the coffee plant puts out lots and lots of coffee beans, which are picked by Señor Juan Valdez, packed into bags, and put on his mule. The mule carries the bags down to the boat, which takes them across the ocean to here. Once the beans get here they are roasted and ground and sold in the supermarket.
DG: Wha?
Hush.
The beans are sent to the supermarket in little bags and sold to you, DG, and you put them into your coffee maker to make your coffee. And here is the tricky bit. Since coffee contains caffeine, and caffeine is a diuretic it makes you ….. um…… well…. “go”, if you know what I mean.
DG: Eww
After you go, it gets flushed, filtered, and fumigated and then dumped into the ocean where it evaporates and turns into fluffy little white clouds that skip across the ocean down to Columbia where it rains on the coffee plant, making the plant grow so that it can make more beans….. for Señor Valdez to pick… and to take over the world.
So, you see, your real purpose in this world is to be a very small cog in the complex life cycle of the coffee plant….
DG?
I think DG has switched to tea.
